Jacquel Says…the Oscars!

73rd Academy Awards

73rd Academy Awards (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jacquel Rassenworth’s Acceptance Speech for the Best Supporting Actron Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly believe this! I feel so lucky! And this statue – it’s so heavy! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to know that even in my wildest quiet times, I never would have imagined that this could ever happen to me. And to the other super-amazing nominees, I want each of you to know how totally wonderful your fake smiles makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I wasn’t blonde enough, I just had to take a minute and think about how unaesthetic my experiences have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda special

You know, there are so many blood-sucking leeches to thank! First off though, I want to thank the esteemed idiots of the Academy, who looked deep within their cold, black hearts before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank God, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to Dad, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts – I couldn’t have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!