Jacquel Rassenworth’s Open Letter to J. K. Rowling

(In which Jacquel expresses her disappointment in J.K. Rowling‘s newest revelation about Harry Potter)

Hey Ms. Rowling,

What the hell were you smoking when you said that Harry/Hermione should have been married??? What is wrong with you??? What? Do you NOT like Ron or something like that??? For someone who wrote the crappiest epilogue in the history of literature, you sure are doing a fine job alienating your fans.

Also, what are we supposed to do now? When last i checked, the hero NEVER gets the girl, as it has become much too cliched. How sad would it have been to have Harry marry Hermione and Ron end up miserable and alone! Nice story to tell our kids; if they’re sidekick and not the hero, then they don’t get the girl.

You are a troll and a hack who can’t even keep her mouth shut. Please, just let the Harry Potter story die and move on with your life! You have other things to do than to try to force your book upon the world! It’s not great literature; it’s just sloppy writing. You stolen the lives of millions of people, hours of their lives that they spent reading the books, hours that they’ll never get back. Thanks a lot, Rowling!

I also think that Harry and Hermione never would have worked, as they seem more like brother/sister than boyfriend/girlfriend, unless you’re going for the Jaime/Cersei dynamic here. (did I just say that??? I’m so stupid!! Excuse me while I go soak my brain in bleach to get that idea out of my head…)

Ah, now I’m back. Anyway, Hermione was popular only because of Emma Watson (not that I have anything against Emma, but I preferred if Hermione was played be a different actress) and as such, the directors felt obligated to make her seem smarter than the other characters, even giving her some of Ron’s words and deeds. That’s not cool; that’s Ron-bashing. I’ve seen way to many Harry/Hermione fanfics where Ron gets bashed to the extreme, so we don’t need to see that in real life.

You want to know what I think of all of this? Hermione never should have gotten married at all (unless it was to “a muggle”), Ron should have married Luna, and Harry should have died. That would have made more sense than what we have in the epilogue. (And she never should have created Ginny in the first place; she only existed to marry Harry and have him join the Weasley family)

So there you have it. And please, take my advice and just let the story go. What’s done is done, and you can’t go back and change anything. Let go of Harry Potter and find something better to do with yourself. I’m sure you can pilfer some other work and make some money.

Yours for the losing,

Jacquel Rassenworth

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