Jacquel Rassenworth on the Last Day of August

Can you believe that this is the final week of August?

I am now going to leave home (again) as school in Fresno starts next week after Labor Day and I won’t be able to blog much for a good while. But I’ll still be doing movie reviews and Stale Grapes, so be in the lookout for that.

Also, today is my last day in San Francisco for a while, so I have to pack up my things and get ready to leave home. Luckily Shar will be there and so will Maddy, Scott, and Shirley.

Until tomorrow, everyone!

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Stale Grapes News Post #2

Hello, and welcome to another round of news from the Stale Grapes News Network, or the fake news that could be real. This week, more shocking things happen and back to school week commences. Now for three news headlines for you to make you think:

School Year‘s Resolution rises among high schoolers

In what has become an increasing disturbing trend, high school students from around the United States are making “the school year resolutions”. Many of these resolutions range from “wear nicer clothing” to “keeping my mouth shut in class” and even the clearly shocking “stop being a loser“. These resolutions, far from helpful, are actually harming our high schools students and devaluing their lives even further, as if television and video games has already devaluated their lives enough.

I don’t know what has become of my son,” says Leanne Williamson, the mother of a 14-year-old high school freshman. “My son (name withheld) has come from looking forward to high school to actually dreading it. He has contemplated making himself sick so that he could miss the first day of school.”

Yet, some parents actually welcomed the school year’s resolutions, such as the father of a 16-year-old girl who is the high schools biggest “dummy”, “I actually hope that my daughter gets her act together and is moved up to the proper grade level before the first quarter is over. It upsets me to see her being forced to interact with people who are a year younger than she is and yet, more mature than she is. I have made her resolve to sit in her seat, do her homework, stop making up silly stories, and talking to imaginary friends.

So is this trend here to stay, or should it go the way of most nineties hit songs? We’ll see a few months from now.


School uniforms required at dumbest performing high school

[Michelob, New Jersey] Michelob High School, one of the dumbest performing high schools in the country, has been required to wear uniforms by the first Lady Michelle Obama, because a visit there during the spring of 2014 left her feeling very unimpressed. She claimed that the food tasted like something a dog had thrown up and was cooked, the chairs looked more like giant slabs of concrete, and even the school’s technological system is still stuck in the 1700s.

But it was the attitude and behavior of the students that angered her so much, with their clothing styles that are still in the nineties and their shoes that had holes in them that prompted her to override the school superintendent’s dress code policy and make the call for all students and teachers at Michelob High School to wear uniforms for this coming year.

As expected, parents and teachers are very angry about her decision, and they believe that Mrs. Obama should just leave them alone. Says a parent of a sophomore who goes to the school in question, “This is completely unfair. My daughter enjoys going to school, and now she is upset because she has to wear a uniform. Whatever did she do to Mrs. Obama to deserve this punishment?”

Mrs. Obama could not be reached in time for comment.


Revised school textbooks to include history of the Piagrarian Empire in America, yet eliminate American Revolution

In what was seen as a very controversial move, the good folks at the infamous textbook factory Crystalbooks Inc have decided to publish an entire section dedicated to the history of the Piagrarian Empire, which was founded in the year 492 by a large group of Piagrari people, which was approximately 1000 years before Christopher Columbus landed in America. The empire, which was located all over what is today known as the United States of America, was well-known for its interesting language system, its religious practices, and the election of a leader by popular voting.

Yet, that empire was overthrown in the American Revolution, which was widely regarded as a very stupid and pointless move. The textbook places most of the blame on the Founding Fathers of America, accusing them of such are atrocities such as slavery, racism, and destroying the empire altogether. Many of the descendants of the Piagrarian people, who are located in small pockets of America, had been calling for their history to be told, claiming that Columbus and his discovery of America is nothing but a lie and that the American Revolution and everything that followed is nothing but a disgrace to America.

Says Malcolm Sutton, the CEO of Crystalbooks, “It is about time that the Piagrarian people have their story told. This ignorance of this part of America’s history is pathetic and stupid and we feel that we owe it to our children to teach the entire full history of America.”

Meanwhile, the supporters of the American Revolution claimed that “the history of the Piagrarian Empire is a fake and is a weak attempt to force a nonwhite point of view upon our children. Our Founding Fathers are great men, and they should be treated as such. The American Revolution was the greatest order for history, and they should not be seen as evil.”

Yet Vance Barrett, a history teacher at Eagle Mountain High in the city of Eagle Mountain Montana, has this to say, “It is a sad day when they choose the actions and the government attempts to decide what we should and should not teach our children. Our children, as well as ourselves, deserve to know the true history of America, and if that means that certain events are viewed as evil by certain nonwhite groups, who are we to question those options?”

Despite the debate over the controversy of this decision, the revised school textbooks will be shipped to middle schools and high schools of America starting in 2015.


And that’s all that I have for this week. Stay tuned for more shocking fake but possibly true news from the Stale Grapes News Network.

Jacquel Rassenworth’s Open Letter to Mona Vanderwaal

The main characters of Pretty Little Liars. (F...

The main characters of Pretty Little Liars. (From left) Troian Bellisario as Spencer Hastings, Lucy Hale as Aria Montgomery, Shay Mitchell as Emily Fields, and Ashley Benson as Hanna Marin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Mona,

Congratulations on being martined (my new term on popular characters on TV that have been killed off).

Or maybe not.

But you must have done something significant to make “A” angry with you to kill you.

I’m quite sure that Paige McCullers had something to do with your death. I still don’t like her, and I can’t trust her as far as I can throw a stone.

Well, rest in peace, (or not), knowing that you were one of the more complex characters on Pretty Little Liars.

Yours for the dying,

Jacquel Rassenworth

Jacquel Rassenworth on The Giver

The Giver

The Giver (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ok, I was given the chance to watch “The Giver” in theaters a day early before its initial release; yet I’m not too sure what to make of it. I already know that “The Giver” is the granddaddy of all dystopia novels, and yet, I had never even read the book at all.

What a shame on me.

Anyway, giving up humanity just to have a stable society is a very hard thing to do, as humanity makes us…human. And then again, most people are willing to do anything to have a perfect world, including erasing the past and giving up humanity.

Jacquel Rassenworth on yet another tragedy

Robin Williams and Pam Dawber as Mork and Mindy

Robin Williams and Pam Dawber as Mork and Mindy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, I’m sure that you’re still reeling from the news of the unexpected death of Robin Williams. This blog post is kind of late, seeing as I’m still trying to process this without descending into madness.

As we all know, well, you know who he is. You know what he does. You know which characters that he’s played. I just can’t list them all without getting choked up.

Well, safe to say, he will be missed by movie watchers everywhere.

Stale Grapes News Post #1

Hello, and welcome to the first of many posts dealing with the Stale Grapes News Network. On this segment, I will be talking about a fake news which could very well be true, because the media just loves to sensationalize the news. I take the sensation away from the news and just state the facts.

Here we go.

One month summer vacation? Might be a possibility, one senator says
In a very bold move to get rid of old vestiges of childhood, a group of people are petitioning that summer vacation should only be one month, mainly in the month of July. The reason they claim is because most children are wasting time playing video games when they could be studying or reading books. They also believed that with less summer and more schooling, mostly kids today will probably stay out of trouble and be smart.

Yet, this idea is being met with opposition, mainly from parents and teachers, who believe that children should be allowed to have at least two months of rest between school year. “My son already spends already 10 months in school,” says an angry parent of a middle schooler, “and I’m not going to let some nutcase take away his summer vacation just because somebody thinks that children should not be allowed to play.”

It’s already bad enough that our children are obese and spend way too much time watching television,” says another parent, “but denying them summer vacation is just a slap in the face of childhood itself.”

This odd new law is being debated by senators right now; President Obama is expected to address this issue soon.


Park closes down after 15-year-old boy discovers homeless man has been living there

In a shocking new move today, a local park in the city of Jakin, Massachusetts has been shut down while the local police department and social workers tried to evict a homeless man who was last spotted urinating on a slide by a 15-year-old boy. Says the boy, whose name and address are being withheld for his protection, “It’s disgusting. Kids play on that slide and someone is using it like it’s a toilet. Doesn’t he know that that is wrong?

Police Chief William McKaplan also adds, “The man in question is a 45-year-old with an olive complexion, wavy graying brown hair in a long ponytail, and dark brown eyes. He was found wearing a shirt and some pants. This man is an obvious danger to our children and our community. He needs to be removed from the park immediately or a tragedy could happen.”

As of right now, he has no family to claim him, and police have been unable to get him to leave. Let hope that he goes away quietly, because the kids need their park back.


That’s all I have for this week, but be on the lookout for next week, when I have more shocking news that could very well be true.

Jacquel Rassenworth on Into the Storm

Storm Ahead

Storm Ahead (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OK, now I really don’t understand why I’m sitting here wasting my time watching a movie about a freak storm. Is that really necessary?

Also, I just found out how much of a bitch mother nature could be. Like she just destroys your town with tornadoes and doesn’t even care if you live or die.

I just don’t understand this movie at all. What the frick.

Jacquel Rassenworth on Guardians of the Galaxy

OK, so I forced the gang to go with me to watch Guardians of the Galaxy and here’s what I have to say:

The movie was very good, quite funny in some parts, and some parts reminded us of other Marvel-made movies. (And yes, Stan Lee made an appearance in the movie, as usual)

Overall, it’s a good movie and you can watch it with the kids. Can’t wait until they deal with the Avengers! (Just kidding!)

Jacquel Rassenworth on August

August is here and I’m getting ready to leave San Francisco a second time. (What is it with me and leaving San Francisco? I swear, the next time I come back, I ain’t budging!)

Shara and Maddy have been looking for a place for us to live while we attend CSU Fresno and I know for sure that I’m not about to be staying with Shara’s family, as much as I love them. (Maybe living way across town is for the best, I think)

Also, I will be cutting down on my blogging hours since I’m going to be devoting that time to study. But don’t worry, I won’t forget about you…much.

Also, don’t expect me to be constantly blogging about college life; that’s not who I am.

My Tumblr and Facebook pages are available for the following, and I will be on Facebook more than this blog. (I’m just giving you the heads up now so that there will be no confusion later.)

So now that August is here and I’m getting ready to leave home (again), I can’t help but wonder how long it’s going to be before I completely abandon the fantasy world that I created and stop destroying everything under the sun.