Hello, and once again welcome to another segment of the Stale Grapes News Network, the site where fake news blog posts could be real news that is being hidden by today’s mainstream media. And I have some very shocking news for you on this Labor Day weekend.
Five-headed snake spotted near local river!
[Chiamwell, Minnesota] Visitors at the Fihx River today got a very shocking view of a five-headed Khaki Snake that was seen crawling on the rocks that line the river. The snake was described as19 foot long, with a thick, but delicate skin, which is usually either dark silver, light orange, red, light bronze or dark gold or a combination of these colors. It also had two thin, narrow eyes and a large flat head.
The five-headed in question crawled around the rocks bordering the river, shocking over 200 visitors with its appearance. Khaki Snake are primarily territorial and will attack if another creature is spotted in its territory. The snake, however, was not captured, yet a team of scientists has been dispatched to the Fihx River to observe it.
[Shoreline, Texas] The annual Labor Day parade was interrupted when a heckler stood up and began criticizing hundreds of working Americans, claiming that most of them waste of time complaining about their jobs when people like him are unable to find work.
When the police tried to apprehend him, the heckler (whose name was not released) began shouting “down with work” and “workers are jokers”. He was finally apprehended, but it was too late to stop the protest, in which about 100 people smashed windows, overturned cars, and kicked down doors to various businesses and began harassing the workers.
By the time that the chaos was finally under control under control, which took about three hours to do so, over 300 people were arrested for vandalism, three people beaten to death, at least one person was raped (but the gender of the victim cannot be determined), and about 80 people were taken to hospital for injuries.
“It’s a sad day when the celebration of the working American citizen turns into such a violent protest,” said Police Chief Marilyn Beasley when asked about the protest. “I really would like to know who that young man who started this protest and why he had done it. It is unfair to two million people living in our city when things like this happen.”
At this time, no charges have been filed; but that could change in the coming months.
School district ignores Labor Day, forces kids to attend school
[Stacyville, Missouri] In a shockingly controversial move, the Stacyville school district has decided to ignore Labor Day and force nearly 4000 children living in within the district to attend school on Labor Day. Many people were furious at this move, as this has cut short camping trips and vacations, and teachers are especially unhappy about having to have their vacation cut short and be forced to return to school.
“This is unfair,” said Josephine Tatum, a third grade teacher at Stacyville Elementary School. “Our children deserve to have this vacation and so do we. It is unfair for a few people to decide that we must go back to school, especially on a date that honors working Americans.”
Some parents shared the same sentiment, with one saying, “This is not fair to our children and our teachers. I do not know whose idea it was to force everyone to go back to school and work on Monday, but surely this needs to be addressed.”
Yet the vice superintendent of the Stacyville school district stands by his decision, saying, “It is inexcusable to use Labor Day as a day off. If we really want to honor our working Americans, we could at least teach about it in our schools instead of letting family sneak off on vacation. We have had too many children disappear off the radar and some of them have never been seen again. Plus, some families have scheduled camping trips of vacations onto the end of the week on Labor Day, as a blast of winter day weekend. Is two days per week off the school not enough for anyone?”
Meanwhile, the CTA is currently investigating this matter.
There will be more fake news coming soon, so keep your eyes open!
- Labor Day Savings for the Employed (turbotax.intuit.com)
- Dear mom, you were right all along (desk.com)
- President Obama Spent a Cool $1.5M on Flights Alone Over Labor Day Weekend (freebeacon.com)
- Broach Sports Tours Offering ‘Labor Day Weekend Special’ to U.S. Open Tennis Championships (onenewspage.us)
- Jason Reitman Plans A Heist (thepuffington.com)