Stale Grapes News Presents “Why is Columbus Day still a thing?”

Hello, and welcome to yet another blog post from the Stale Grapes News. Today’s topic is a very controversial one, as I’m going to be destroying your perception of history as well as calling your third grade teacher a big fat liar.

The subject of this matter is Columbus Day.

How is Columbus Day a Thing to begin with?

I’m glad you asked, seeing as we know that he landed in America on October 12, 1492 after a threat of mutiny on his ship. We all know that he was sent to find an alternative passage to Asia by the king and queen of Spain. But he didn’t even know that he never found Asia at all.

Instead, he found a completely different place altogether.

But he NEVER discovered America!

Of course not. In fact, Leif Ericsson did.

And also, Amerigo Vespucci. (I mean, the United States of America was named after HIM, not Columbus. Why shouldn’t he have a day named after him?)

So, why Columbus and not them?

I wonder if history has something against people who got to America/Hispanola BEFORE Columbus. That would explain some things.

And Columbus is a total jerkface.

Yes, and that too. If it weren’t for him, we might not be dealing with the issue of human slavery. Nice going, jerkface!

So, should it still be a thing?

I will say no, and think of all those poor natives and Africans who suffered needlessly because of one man’s insatiable greed. Do we really need to teach this to our children?

In conclusion, do YOU think that Columbus Day should still be a thing? Please let me know in the comments.

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